$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
