hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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