Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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