thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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