you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
