I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
