Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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