You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
