3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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