I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
