Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
