Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.