What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
