guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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