I just threw up on my dentist
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
