So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
