from now on my penis is your penis
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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