4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
