So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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