O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
