His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
ttyl tear gas
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
