i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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