Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I love having hate sex.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
