I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
