i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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