Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
where am i from again
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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