Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
