Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
