im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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