Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
