i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
