I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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