I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it was like eating out sand paper
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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