Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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