I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
