watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
