she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize