I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
