she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think a kid would responsible me up
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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