3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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