Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
