if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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