I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
