i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
