'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
