I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
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I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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