The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize