Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
