Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
