I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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