Can Purell be used as lube?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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