Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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