My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
