Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
