Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
