youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
