Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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