Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Let's get the cat blown out
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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