Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
