So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you had me at cake vodka
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
