nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
