Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
