Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
