so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
