i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
