I wanna bring you to show and tell
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
