i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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