I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
