I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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