i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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