Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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