Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
