A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
