This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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