I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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