hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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