Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we're making bets on your personal life
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
