I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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