what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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